


I Hold On (Because I Can't Let Go)

by debarouchi



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010) RPF
Genre: Bottom Steve, First Time, Jealousy, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:58:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debarouchi/pseuds/debarouchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott wants Alex, he has for a long time, but Alex doesn't know. Or does he? Meeting one of Alex's long term friends gives Scott the motivation he needs to let his friend know what he really wants, and he just hopes Alex is ready for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hold On (Because I Can't Let Go)

**Author's Note:**

> Fic was born after two watches of Alex's movie 'Feed' - contains brief mentions of one scene and also the general idea of the film but it's probably not necessary to see it to understand the story. Title taken from Kid Rock song I Hold On (featured on the H50 OST). Scott also has a huge kink for Alex's ink in this fic.

Title: I Hold On (Because I Can't Let Go)  
Beta: [](http://cookiemonsta.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://cookiemonsta.livejournal.com/)**cookiemonsta** Thanks babe ♥  
Pairing: Scott/Alex (bottom!Alex), Patrick Thompson (friend and co-star of Alex)  
Rating: NC-17  
Wordcount: 4232  
Disclaimer: This fun stuff only happens in my mind, if it _does_ happen in real life then the boys aren’t telling us about it! :(

Summary: Scott wants Alex, he has for a long time, but Alex doesn't know. Or does he? Meeting one of Alex's long term friends gives Scott the motivation he needs to let his friend know what he really wants, and he just hopes Alex is ready for that.

Notes: Fic was born after two watches of Alex's movie 'Feed' - contains brief mentions of one scene and also the general idea of the film but it's probably not necessary to see it to understand the story. Title taken from Kid Rock song I Hold On (featured on the H50 OST). Scott also has a huge kink for Alex's ink in this fic.

I Hold On (Because I Can't Let Go)

"Scotty? What are you doing tonight?” Alex asks as they wait for the next scene to be set.

Scott looks up from his phone curiously. “Why?”

Alex shrugs and glances away. “Some friends from home are visiting, I’d like you to meet them.”

“Home? You mean Australia?” Scott sits up straighter sensing Alex’s nervousness. “Who is it?”

“Yeah.” Alex stands, putting his hand on Scott’s shoulder. “It’s just some actor friends of mine.”

“Okay, sure. You already made plans with them?”

“Yeah. Hilton Bar, ten pm. I wasn’t sure what time we’d be finished filming.”

Scott stands and nudges Alex. “Ten pm. I’ll be there.”

“Thanks.”

Since they’ve been friends, Scott only remembers seeing Alex this on edge once before and it makes Scott even more curious. “Is everything okay, babe?”

“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

They’re called back to set and it isn’t until filming finishes later that night – when they're changing out of Steve and Danno's clothes and into their own – that Scott remembers their conversation from earlier.

“You’re nervous,” he says suddenly. “You were nervous when you introduced me to Saxon. These friends are important to you.”

Alex grins and pulls his own t-shirt on. “Do you want to come with me or do you need to go home first?”

Scott takes a deep breath, momentarily distracted by the naked flesh in front of him. His eyes trace the ink on Alex’s lower back before Alex turns to face him again and it’s taken out of sight. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

Scott pushes the costume trailer door open for him and waves him out. “Order for me, you know what I like.”

“Yes I do,” Alex murmurs, eyes locked on Scott.

The tone makes him shiver and he fights the instinctive reaction from his body. “I know.”

Alex winks and strides over to his car, jumping in with a wave before he takes off. Scott stands still for a moment, trying to get his breathing under control.

“Christ,” he mutters to himself. “He’s going to be the death of me.”

He shakes his head and goes to his own car, determined to take the edge off the need Alex has been inspiring all day with Steve’s skimpy swim shorts. It always fascinates him how well they cover Alex’s tattoos and not for the first time does he wonder about them, what they mean and why that tramp stamp sits so low on his back.

~~~~~~

The bar of the Hilton is _packed_ , and it takes Scott a moment to locate his friend. Alex is walking from the bar across to a secluded table where only one man sits watching him. Scott growls softly in his throat when he instantly recognizes the man. His feet are moving before his brain has time to catch up, and he quickly finds himself beside the table.

“Scotty,” Alex says cheerfully. “Hey. I was starting to get worried you’d stood me up.”

“Well hell, baby. If I knew this was a date I would have made sure I was on time,” Scott drawls. He sees the man sit straighter in his seat as Alex stands with a smile to hug him; Scott is man enough to admit to himself that maybe he holds Alex a bit closer and longer than necessary. “Got caught up at home. Sorry.”

“No problem.” Alex moves to the next stool so Scott can sit beside him. “Scott Caan, I want you to meet a friend of mine from Sydney.”

“Patrick Thompson.”

Alex frowns. He tilts his head and looks at Patrick before he looks back to Scott. “You know Patrick?”

Scott settles on his seat and leans a little closer to Alex on the pretence of stealing his beer. “No. I recognized him from _Feed_.”

“You watched our movie?”

Scott fights a shudder. He doesn’t like Alex referring to anything as ”ours” if it’s not _theirs_ , not Alex's and his own. He knows he can be a possessive bastard, especially when it comes to Alex. “Yeah I watched it. Interesting film.”

“Thanks,” Patrick says, standing to reach across the table and offer his hand. “Al talks about you a lot. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Does he now?” Scott smirks as he shakes hands. “Must be because he’s stuck with me most of the time here.”

Alex snorts from beside him and steals his beer back. “Yeah, that must be it,” he mutters.

“I thought you said we were meeting with friends, Patrick, no offence but I was expecting more people.”

“None taken,” Patrick says. “My dad is also an old friend of Alex’s but he was a bit tired from the flight so he’s going to catch up with Al tomorrow.”

“Oh. So it’s just the three of us?” Scott asks smoothly.

“Yeah.” Alex eyes him and bites his lip. “Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’m happy to get to know someone who you’re close to, babe.”

Across the table Patrick watches them closely, one eyebrow raised at the casual endearment. Scott doesn’t like it, and he feels a sense of jealousy flood him as he recalls some of the scenes from the movie, one in particular of Alex’s Michael and Patrick’s Phillip in a hotel room. He nudges Alex with his knee and smiles when he turns to face him.

“Did you order food for me?”

“Yeah. Meals should be here any minute now.”

“Good. I’m gonna grab a round of beers.” Scott rests his hand on Alex’s shoulder for a moment as he slides off his bar stool. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll think of you the whole time,” Alex murmurs with a grin.

Scott grips harder, using the cover to stroke his thumb along Alex’s collarbone. “Smartass,” he mutters fondly.

The quoting of their characters lines out of context has become something of a personal game for them both and Scott feels a little thrill at the idea that Alex would continue it in front of an outsider. He’s just returning from the bar when their meals are placed on the table. He waits until the pretty waitress has smiled at them all and taken her leave to sit again, purposely letting his leg press against Alex’s.

Patrick’s eyes light up at the sumptuous meal before him but he stills when he looks at Alex and Scott. “What the hell are you two doing?”

“Sharing,” Alex says immediately as if it’s an everyday thing.

Scott finishes the trade off and swallows some beer before he looks up. “It’s tradition. We order a meal each then go halves.”

“Tradition? You guys have known each other for what, a few months?”

“Over twelve,” Alex and Scott reply at the same time.

Scott grins and pets Alex’s thigh. “Happy twelve month anniversary, babe.”

“Ditto. Eat up before your food gets cold.”

Scott rolls his eyes but leaves his hand where it is. He picks up his fork and slowly makes his way through the meal while he listens to Alex and Patrick talk. They reminisce about other mutual friends, touch on Saxon and his progress before they get around to talking about their movie again.

“Scott, you said you’d watched it. What did you think? I believe you've experienced working behind the camera too, what did you think of Alex’s project?”

“You’re right, Scott does have experience. He’s both a writer and a director,” Alex tells Patrick proudly.

“You’re makin’ me blush here, babe.”

“Stop it. You should be proud,” Alex insists. He steals the last french fry off Scott’s plate and sits back, careful not to dislodge Scott’s hand from his thigh.

“Thank you,” Scott says softly. He squeezes his fingers slightly over Alex’s muscled thigh. “I found it thought provoking and also fucking disturbing.”

“Disturbing?” Patrick's voice is hard as he stares across the table.

“Yes, disturbing.” Scott takes a deep breath and sits back to cross his arms over his chest. “I found it hard to accept. Don’t get me wrong, I think it was a story well told and well acted but what disturbed me was my own reaction to it.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asks warily. He leans his elbows on the table and watches Scott.

“At first I was judgemental, I guess you could say I was disgusted by it. By both the feeders and the gainers, then I looked further into the people involved. It even made me get on the computer and look further into it. Like everything, I’m sure there is a seedy sleazy side but I think on the whole, these people care for each other.”

Alex slides one arm around his waist and half hugs him tightly for a moment. “That’s exactly how I felt.”

Scott turns his head and presses a kiss to Alex’s temple without thinking. He only considers his actions when he sees Patrick’s eyes go wide. He coughs and glances away, unable to look at Alex.

“I’m so glad it affected you that way,” Alex says sincerely. “It was a confronting story to tell and also a confronting movie to make for us personally.”

“Yeah, I’d agree with that.” Patrick swallows the last of his beer. “The filming made us a lot closer as friends and we made some life long friends on that set.”

Scott coughs, feeling his cheeks heat. “You must have been very comfortable together. There was a lot of nudity on that set.”

Alex shrugs, curious about Scott’s reaction. “You’ve done nudity before.”

Patrick stands suddenly, glancing around the bar. “Bathroom. I’ll be back.”

Scott waits until he’s gone to respond. “Yeah, I’ve done nudity before but you were surrounded by what sounds like a close group, mainly friends. Didn’t that make it more awkward?”

“Maybe. But I got used to it pretty quick, you said you’ve seen it. Michael was naked a lot.”

Scott’s breath hitches. “Yeah. Yeah he was.”

Alex leans in closer. “Does it bother you? Seeing me naked, I mean?”

“No,” Scott says huskily. “I see you nearly naked on set all the time.”

Alex watches him for a moment before he leans in a little closer. “What is it? You’re flushed, _babe_.”

“The hotel scene. You and Patrick on the bed.”

“You mean Michael and Phillip,” Alex whispers.

“No. _You and Patrick_. You can say it was the characters but the chemistry between you two was remarkable. I thought you were going to…”

“You thought what?” Alex breathes. He licks his lip, holding Scott’s gaze. “You thought I was going to kiss him?”

Scott nods silently. Alex and his presence have robbed him of speech. He can do nothing but lick his own lip and watch Alex track the movement. Finally he shakes himself out of it when he becomes aware of the other people around them. “You stay with your friend. I’m going to head out. I need some air.”

Alex sits back, body open and sprawled in his seat. He rests his hands on his spread thighs and watches Scott. “You need air? Or you need to be away from me?”

“Both,” Scott says hurriedly. He stands, thankful for the loose shirt he’s wearing over his jeans and turns away from the table. He passes Patrick and gives him a curt nod as he continues walking through the bar. He doesn’t stop until he reaches his car and only then does he take a deep breath before he slides into the drivers seat and gets the hell out of dodge before he does something they might regret.

~~~~~

The late night swim gives Scott the cooling off and calm that he needs to be able to sleep. He’s just making his way through the house wearing nothing but wet boxers, dry clothes bundled up in his arms, when the front door opens. Only one person has a key to his house so he’s not surprised when it’s Alex who appears at the end of the hallway in front of him.

“I told Patrick you were feeling sick and I needed to check on you.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Scott says quietly. He steps forward, done with fighting the tension between them. He drops the pile of clothes and slowly walks down the hallways towards Alex. “I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” Alex mutters. He clears his throat and takes a step forward. “Why did you leave?”

“You know why.”

“Tell me. Was it too much talk of me being naked or were you jealous of my screen time with Patrick?”

The mention of the other man breaks Scott’s composure. He growls and reaches out, pushing Alex back against the wall. “You straddled him, you climbed _all over him_ , Alex.”

“And?” Alex taunts. “Did you watch and want it to be you that I was climbing all over?”

“Fuck you,” Scott breathes. He leans in so the words are said over Alex’s mouth.

“Did you wish I was sitting in your lap? Leaning down over you?”

Scott moans and presses his body against Alex’s. “Yes. For Christ’s sakes, yes. Is that what you wanted to hear? That I wanted you in my lap?”

Alex’s head drops back against the wall and he whimpers softly. “Jesus, Scotty. Do you have any idea how much I want that?”

Scott dips in and sucks a bruise into the skin of Alex’s collarbone. “Do you know how you drive me fucking crazy? All muscled body and inked skin.”

“What do you want? I’ll give you anything, Scott.”

“Want you. I just want you.” Scott steps back and roughly turns Alex to face the wall. He drops to his knees and pushes up the back of his shirt to get to the tattoo that has taunted him since watching that fucking movie. “I watched you on screen and stared at this, wondered and obsessed about it.”

Alex pants heavily, hands pressed hard against the wall to tilt his ass out. “What are you going to do about it?”

Scott doesn’t answer, he can’t. Speech is impossible when he has everything he’s ever wanted in front of him. He slowly leans in and presses a kiss to the small of Alex’s back before he trails a fingertip along the edge of the tattoo. At Alex’s whimper, he can’t resist following his finger with his tongue until he reaches the very bottom of the ink where it comes to a point just above the crease of his ass.

“Oh God,” Alex breathes. “Scotty…”

“Quiet now, babe. Let me look after you,” Scott murmurs. He sits back, ignoring the pain in his damaged knee and feasts on the visual treat he finally has to himself. “We can’t do this here, come with me.”

Alex pushes off the wall, taking a deep breath as he turns and sees Scott still on his knees. “Get up, man.”

“Does this turn you on, babe? Seeing me on my knees?”

Alex cups Scott’s chin and strokes his thumb across his cheekbone. “You know it does,” he whispers.

Scott smirks and turns to press a dirty open mouthed kiss to Alex’s palm. He stands and takes Alex’s hand to pull him down the hallway and back out on to the deck above the pool area. His house overlooks Diamond Head and they're mostly surrounded by darkness, the area only dimly lit by the pool lights and the lights down on the foreshore below them. Scott pulls Alex in for a kiss that quickly turns wet and dirty. When they pull apart, both of them are breathing heavily.

Alex licks his lip, tasting Scott and groans.

“ _Strip_ ,” Scott orders. “I want you naked, and bent over that railing.”

“Bossy.” Alex holds his gaze as he starts to strip, long fingers taking their time to open small buttons.

“If you don’t hurry up, I’ll rip it off you,” Scott promises.

Alex shivers and pulls the shirt off impatiently. He kicks his shoes off and shuffles out of his pants, leaving his boxer briefs on.

“Off. Take them off,” Scott says huskily.

“As you wish,” Alex murmurs. He slides them down his hips and drops them at Scott’s feet. “Your turn.”

“You don’t give the orders here, Alex.”

Alex’s breath hitches at the tone and nods. “Okay then.”

“Turn around.” Scott watches as he does so, then leans forward to trail a finger the length of Alex’s spine. When his finger reaches the small of his back, he presses his whole palm there forcing Alex to bend forward.

“What are you going to do?”

There is no fear or nerves that Scott can detect, just curiosity which is a relief. “I want to see that tattoo, mark you as mine.”

“Jesus Christ,” Alex mutters. “You’re going to jerk off on my ink.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. If you have a problem with that I suggest you speak up now.”

Alex reaches behind him to take Scott’s hand. He brings them around to his crotch and closes Scott’s fingers around his cock. “Does it feel like I have a problem with it?”

Scott moans softly as he gives a long teasing stroke of the flesh in his hand. He moves forward to press himself against Alex’s hard ass as he keeps stroking, working up a gentle rhythm of his own thrusts to match the movement of his hand.

“You keep that up and it’s going to be all over,” Alex says with a long groan. “Your fucking hands. Christ, Scott. They drive me just as crazy as your ass does.”

Scott bites lightly at the sweaty skin of Alex’s back. He takes a deep breath and tries to find some calm in all this crazy desire for each other. Slowly he moves away, feeling Alex’s shudder when he stops stroking him. “You’re dirtier than I am.”

Alex grins. “You’re kidding, right? I’m the one bent over in your backyard for you to have your way with.”

“We both know you’d put a stop to it if you didn’t want it. So don’t bullshit me, babe.” Scott shimmies his hips to let the damp boxers fall off and kicks them away impatiently. He licks his hand and strokes himself, one hand on Alex’s hip. He knows this won’t take long but his goal is to mark that pretty tattoo with his come before they take this somewhere else.

“Come on,” Alex moans. The night breeze blows over his skin and makes him shiver. “I want this. You know me too well to think anything else.”

“Yes, I do.” Scott leans forward and presses another kiss to Alex’s back, against each top corner of the tattoo. This one fascinates him more than any of the others, probably because it’s normally hidden.

Alex presses back against him, eager for more. His cock flexes when he feels Scott’s knuckles bumping against the sensitive skin of his ass as he jerks off behind him. “Wanna see you,” he mutters.

“Next time,” Scott promises. “Next time you can make me do whatever you want.”

“Is that a promise?” Alex asks, voice raw with lust.

“Yeah. Man of my word here. You’ve got no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

“Since you saw the movie?”

“Before that. I always wanted to know how far down it went, then once I knew... Fuck me. I couldn’t think of anything else except bending you over and mapping it with my tongue.”

“Fuck!” Alex cries. He locks his hands around the metal rail in front of him and pants harshly.

“You can’t say shit like that.”

“Why?” Scott asks, almost conversationally. “It’s true.”

“You’re gonna make me lose it.”

“Maybe that’s what I want. You coming apart under me.”

Alex moans and listens to the sound of skin on skin; Scott stroking himself.

“Nearly there,” Scott mutters. He draws sensual lines over the tattoo with his fingertips as he fists himself, knowing release isn’t far off. “No one else. This is mine. You got that?”

“The tattoo? Or me?” Alex asks breathlessly.

“Both,” Scott declares. He gasps as pleasure thrums through his body, creating a full body shiver as he climaxes, marking Alex’s body just like he needed.

Alex gasps too when he feels the splash against his skin. His own cock throbs, needing release but he focuses on Scott and listens to him work himself through his orgasm.

“Alex,” Scott whispers. “You’re fucking amazing.”

Alex turns around on shaky legs and meets Scott’s gaze. “Glad you think so, but I’m more interested in this.” He waves his hand towards his own crotch and groans when Scott’s eyes go even darker.

“I’ll get you there,” Scott promises. “Let me wash you off first.”

Alex glances down at the pool then back to Scott. “You up for a swim?”

Scott grins. “You kinky little shit. You want to go skinny dipping?”

“ _I’m_ kinky?” Alex arches an eyebrow. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Scott leans up on tiptoe and kisses Alex deeply. He nips his bottom lip as he pulls away. “The pool it is then.”

Alex steps away and slaps Scott’s ass as he passes, knowing full well what he’s doing. Scott doesn’t let him down; he thunders after him and they race each other to the pool. He only just stops when they reach the side to dip a toe into the water, pleasantly surprised to find the water is reasonably warm.

“Now you want to check the temp?” Scott mutters. He moves to the other end and walks down the shallow steps until he’s thigh deep in water. “You coming?”

“Christ, I hope so,” Alex mutters as he follows Scott in with a grin.

~~~~~

Scott wakes to the smell of coffee and the feeling that someone is watching him. He turns his head to see Alex beside him, face lit by the sunshine streaming in through the open curtains. “That coffee better be for me,” he mutters sleepily.

“Of course,” Alex murmurs. He presses a kiss to the back of Scott’s shoulder and reaches for a steaming cup on the night stand. “Knew you’d need this to function, considering the little amount of sleep we’ve had.”

Scott grins, and rolls over to stretch out. He groans happily and takes the cup from Alex. “ _Mahalo._ ”

“You’re welcome.” Alex sits up, naked chest on display and lets his gaze roam the length of Scott’s naked body. “Do you always kick the sheet off in your sleep?”

“Only when I have an Alex-sized blanket sleeping with me,” Scott mutters as he lifts the cup to his lips.

“That’s a problem then.” Alex takes a sip of his own coffee.

“Why?”

“I intend to sleep here more often. So I guess you might as well not bother with the sheet anymore.”

Scott rolls his eyes and sighs. “How ever will I cope?” he asks sarcastically.

Alex kicks the sheet off his own body and takes Scott’s coffee from him. “I think I can distract you.” He moves on top of Scott and kisses his way down his body.

“I think you can too.” Scott stretches again, closing his hands around the headboard. He’s just felt the tentative touch of Alex’s tongue on the tip of his cock when Alex’s phone rings.

“Jesus.”

Alex sits up, looking at Scott apologetically. “I should get that.”

Scott waves a hand and closes his eyes. He’s tempted to reach down and give himself some relief but he remains still and listens to Alex’s one-sided conversation. When he realizes it’s their dining companion from last night he grins and licks his palm, making sure Alex is watching him. With their gazes locked and Alex biting his lip, he lets his hand slide over his stomach and hip; then further down to his groin where he quickly starts stroking himself.

Alex’s eyes go wide as he tries to concentrate on what Patrick is saying but can’t look away from the temptation before him. He reaches out, wanting to touch Scott but holds back; he knows once he starts he won’t be able to stop.

“Oh God. Alex.” Scott whimpers as he speeds up, legs spread open wide and on display. “Need you, so bad.”

Alex chokes on his own whimper as Patrick laughs in his ear and disconnects the call. He throws the phone on the carpet and growls, crawling up and on top of Scott. “You’re such a fucking tease.”

“Yes I am. I don’t like sharing my toys. I told you that. You’re mine.”

Alex nips and kisses along his throat and collarbone. “That means I can’t have friends?”

“That means you can’t talk to those friends after you’ve got me all worked up and left me hanging,” Scott mutters. He hooks a leg around Alex’s calves and thrusts up against him. “I think it’s time for me to fuck you again.”

“I think you’re dreaming, babe. I won’t be able to sit down all day already.”

Scott smiles evilly. “How are you going to explain that?”

Alex rolls off the bed, smirking over his shoulder as he walks into the adjoining bathroom. “I’m not. I’m going to let you explain that you fucked me through the mattress and now McGarrett can’t sit down today.”

Scott grins, knowing he’s met his match with this one. Bring it on, he thinks to himself as he hurries off the bed and follows Alex into the shower.


End file.
